


A long and lonely road

by secretly_awesome



Category: GOT7, Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, markson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_awesome/pseuds/secretly_awesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson had being feeling depressed for at least a year or so, and it was finally starting to show. The members find out and deal with it as well as they can, hoping to provide the love Jackson so desperately needs. </p>
<p>Warning: could possibly be triggering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (I have this up on Wattpad and Quotev.)
> 
>  
> 
> This is just Jackson being depressed, but his members help him get better and Mark will always be there for him.

Jackson had being feeling depressed for at least a year or so, and it was finally starting to show. His happy acting on broadcasts were finally showing cracks. He'd laugh a little late at a joke, (and the excuse of being the carefree, 'dumb' one was wearing thin). He'd forget that his smile wasn't a smile, but a grimace for moments, and people would be confused and/or slightly disgusted by the face he'd end up making. There were times when he absolutely hated the cameras and almost wished that there were no Got7 fans (but that would always be something he never wanted to happen. Got7 were happy, the IGot7s were happy, why should he mess with that?) Because his life was being filmed and he couldn't ever find time for himself to...to...deal with anything.

But, he finally cracked, when they pulled a hidden camera on him.

It was cruel, even if they didn't know that he was depressed and insecure. This was horrible. Making sure, for the for whole day that he was put down. Everything he did was criticized. People went out of their way to take offense to what he said and make him feel bad. 

(6:00 am)

"Jackson, wake up! It's time for an interview!! Did you forget? Can't you do anything by yourself? Aish, really." Jaebum barged into his room before slamming the door shut. Behind the door, Jaebum grinned at the camera, giddy at the thought of the prank he was playing. On the other side of the door, Jackson was confused.

(6:30 am)

"Aish, hyung, really! The make up isn't done properly or something, your face still disgusts me!" Yugyeom smirked slightly at Jackson's face in the mirror.

"Ah, sorry, Yugyeomie, but the swag that I have can't be contained by make up."

"What swag? All I see is zits, pimples and ugly." A passing Jinyoung says.

'He's just pissed and the maknae is being childish. They probably don't mean it...or they might. It's true, either way. Who would bother to even slap this? It's horrible.'

(7:15 am/ 5 painful insults later)

Jackson had cracked a joke in the interveiw and got cut off by Mark.

"Jackson," Mark paused for a low laugh, not caught by anyone except for BamBam next to him, "The world will still go 'round if you stop talking," thinking the comment harsh he adds on, "Breath."

Jackson wishes he didn't have to.

(8:35am, after the interveiw/ 2 hurried explanations and 7 insults later)

"Jackson, calm down. Nobody wants all that excitement near them."

And,

"Back up BamBam, the idiot oozing off this guy might be contagious! AWAY, JACKSON! This boy still has a future!"

(11:00 am/9 insults and one pause in the bathroom to calm down later)

"Time for lunch guys!" Staff tell the boys.

"Um, no thanks. This man has to go work out, the ladies love the muscles!" Jackson pulls out his 'guns' before heading towards the gym part of JYP.

"Yeah, hyung," shouts Youngjae, "I see a lot of stomach that needs to go!" /Wait, isn't this the 13th time this month Jackson refused food?/

(11:45 am/ a serious workout later)

The boys barge in after their lunch and get ready for dance practice.

It goes smoothly, but as soon as Jackson makes any mistakes, there is immediate scolding, until almost an hour later, when Jackson finally ask what's wrong.

"I-is eveyone okay? I feel like the the nerd girl being picked on by all the popular girls. Are you guys practicing for a drama?" This is by far the lamest 'joke' he's said.

"Really, Jackson? Can't you even take dance practice seriously? What's wrong with you today?" Jaebum explodes.

"Yeah, everyone else has been fine except for you!" BamBam puts in. /No, they haven't. Jinyoung tripped twice, Youngjae forgot his place, Mark slipped on BamBam's shoelace and Jaebum tore Yugyeoms shirt when he pulled them both to the floor./

"Sorry! I guess that the Wang Master has decided to take a day off and the Swag Lord has messed up with his new role. He's not used to dancing. He's better at rapping."

"Shut up, Jackson, this isn't a joke, focus!" One of the staff members shouts.

Silently, Jackson goes through the rest of the dance practice, ignoring every scolding and insult he gets.

(05:56 pm/ end of dance practice) 

Jackson took one last look at his members, several of which had just seriously insulted him in the past few hours, before storming out the door, slamming it shut.

(9:30 pm/ no one had found Jackson in the past four hours)

/'Chin up', 'Big smile,now', 'loud laughter', 'LOTS of enthusiasm, if you please!', 'Don't get upset when you're put down, play it off'.

Am I not allowed to feel? Am I supposed to be some sort of happy, robot? Do I have to laugh and find amusement even when I am hurt? 

Even though these things are (usually) never said, certainly, they are implied.

What is my role, then? Who am I? What purpose do I serve?

I've worked hard for where I am now, so why does it feel so unsatisfactory?

Aish...there are so many people out there who would DIE to have my life. They would do anything for my position. People out there have lives far worse than mine, what right do I have to complain?

Is it that obvious that I am un-needed? Have they finally realised that Got7 only needs me because the name? Is this their way of showing me, telling me I can go now.

Sometimes, I really wish I had taken the opportunity to kill myself when I had it./

Jackson had been writing in his journal by the edge off the roof for ages now, a tear occasionally streaking down down his face.

Jackson sighed, placing the pen inbetween the pages, closing the journal and tying it shut. He heaved himself up, taking a step towards the edge, and looked down. How easy it would be to let himself die.

Swiftly, with the journal tucked under his arm, he turned and plodded off towards his dorm. 

When he arrived there, he walked straight towards his room shared with Mark, ignoring all of his members that he passed. Pulling off his shirt and kicking off his shoes, he collapsed on his bed, ignoring Mark's quiet, "Are you okay?" and quickly went to sleep, because why would Mark actually care?

***

Mark watched as Jackson's grip loosened on the journal. It thumped to the ground, the loose knot unraveling and allowing Mark to see words written in a familiar scrawl.

Hesitantly, he picked it up, a sentence catching his eye : "It's really hard not to think about cutting, it's only been two days since I've last done it, and it's getting really hard to resist."

Slightly horrified, Mark flicks to another page.

"If I could be someone else for a day, I think I would choose to be my mother. That way, I could see how I act (do I put on a good show?) and know what it's like to be loved."

And another.

"I almost commited suicide today. I was so close. One more move and I could have ended it all. That would've been nice. But it also would've been selfish."

He kept going through the pages, crying slightly, until finally, he found the most recent entry.

"...Have they finally realised that Got7 only needs me because the name?...What purpose do I serve?...I've worked hard for where I am now, so why does it feel so unsatisfactory?...Is it that obvious that I am un-needed?...Do I have to laugh and find amusement even when I am hurt?...What right do I have to complain?...Sometimes, I really wish I had taken the opportunity to kill myself when I had it... Is this their way of showing me, telling me I can go now?..."

Shakily Mark walks out of the room, joining the rest off his members in the living room. He hands the journal to Jaebum.

"I-it's Jackson's." He hiccups, drawing attention to his blotchy face and red eyes, making Jinyoung pull him into a hug.

Jaebum opens it up with a concerned look that slowly turns into one off terror with Youngjae's and Jinyouny's, who had been reading over his shoulder.

"What is it, hyung?" BamBam asks softly.

Youngjae lets out a soft whimper and stops reading, going to whisper with BamBam and Yugyeom. Soon enough, all three look upset.

"You do realize that Jackson might quit?" Jinyoung tells them," After today, he might ask to cancel his contract, or ask if he can be removed from the group."

No one seemed to like the idea.

Jaebum shakes his head frustratedly, "I don't think he will, he's too selfless. He'll think of the fans and then simply let the thought of leaving, leave his mind."

"It's still not right! Jackson's been feeling like this for a while now! After today, I can't even imagine what he's feeling now." Mark said, his soft voice almost cracking.

There's a stiff silence in the room for a solid 30 minutes as the members awake cuddle and contemplate what to do. The maknae line all just wanted to snuggle up to Jackson in bed, but realised that it would be hard to explain and slightly awkward.

Jinyoung really wanted to talk to the boy, get him to open up personally so that he could smother him with love and baby him until his cheeks were pink.

Mark just wanted to be there for him. Whatever Jackson wanted/needed, Mark wanted to be able to provide it. As a best friend, he felt it was his duty. Although, he realised, Jackson might not want to talk about anything, he might not want to bring it up at all. And that would be a problem. How was Mark going to help if he doesn't know how to?

And Jaebum...He felt like he had failed as a leader. He hadn't noticed that his close friend and teammate was depressed. What kind of leader was he? All the doubts he had ever had were floating in his mind, as if the new found revelation about Jackson solidized an untrue fact; 'Im Jaebum is a horrible person, not fit to be a leader, a hyung, a friend or an idol', and it hurt him deeply.

"I'm going to bed," Mark announced finally,"we don't have a schedule tomorrow, so we can confront Jackson then. Night."

And then, slowly, the rest of the members trickle out of the living room and into the shared rooms, ready to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark woke up early the next day and spent the next hour staring at his roommate, whom he had previously thought to be the happiest person he knew.

As he slept his eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched up slightly, which was the reaction he always had when he was judging someone. Mark couldn't begin to guess what Jackson was dreaming about, but he didn't look impressed.

Maybe he was judging him. His supposed "best friend" and the rest of the members. What crappy kind of friends couldn't even notice if something was bothering you?

Mark sighed and rolled over to stare up at the ceiling, his earphones playing English music that he didn't even bother comprehending, lettings the deep bass lull him into a state of half consciousness.

All those times when he had held Jacksons hand and he had squeezed back tightly, why was it only now that he realised that his hand had been the only thing anchoring him at the time?

And the times when Mark slung his arm over Jacksons shoulder and the other had leant in, why was it only now that he realised that Jackson needed his warmth more and his understanding, listening ears most?

The times when Mark would throw him a smile when the others weren't looking, one just for Jackson, why couldn't he have known that was when Jackson felt warmest inside?

Times when he pulled Jackson's head off the window of the car and onto his shoulder instead, couldn't he have know that Jackson wasn't asleep and that those time were when Jackson knew someone cared?

And then, one day, the one person who made him happiest, decided that everything he did wasn't good enough. That everything he did wasn't right.

No hand-holding. No side-hugs. No smiles just for Jackson. No shoulders for him to lean on. Just a sense of abandonment, betrayal and inadequacy.

Jackson had always needed, and the one person who he thought would always be there...just wasn't anymore.

\- Two Hours Later -

When Jackson woke up, he saw Mark sprawled across his own bed, listening to music. But what caught his attention were the tear tracks and red blotches on his face.

Why had he been crying? What happened? Did-?

Then feelings of dread engulfed him, for there, across the room on the shared desked, definitely not where he had put it last night, was an opened journal, belonging to Jackson.

This was not good. It was so totally and completely not good that Jackson felt the urge to puke creep up on him. 

Mark. He knew Mark. He honestly adored him and knew that Mark would accept him. But he also was certain that after what had happened yesterday he would bring his findings to the others. He's too compassionate to just try and deal with it himself and not make a big deal out of it. Everyone would have been notified and everyone would be made aware of the fact that Jackson hated himself with a burning, fiery passion.

If it was only Mark, he wouldn't have hesitated to explain to him what the entries meant, but the others? No.

They were different. They were some of the closest people to him, but they weren't quite on Mark's level. And no one but Mark would have all of Jackson's belief that he would take care of him.

It made him sad, that even after yesterday, Jackson still fully trusted his roommate. He had figured out that it was a hidden camera and was hurt by the extent that they had gone to, but also noticed that Mark had been the one to say the least (closely followed by YoungJae and BamBam.)

Scared, Jackson pulled himself of his bed and looked at the page Mark had his journal open on.

/God, it hurts. Trying to stop being depressed. The littlest of things will set you off. One small crying session and suddenly every thought you have is pessimistic and downgrading. The little voice in your head constantly brings you back to reality, harshly dragging you into the dark pit of frustration that is life. Things will bring back memories and no one will understand because no one has ever gone through the exact same thing as someone else, even if they can relate to you, the circumstances will always be different./

Running his fingers through his hair, Jackson sighed. Why was he such an dramatic person? Why did he -?

Wait! No! He had written these things because this was a private book and he was allowed to write his inner most feelings in it! What right did he have to read it?

'It was dramatic and you know it. You blew this up out of proportion and now you have everyone thinking you need a psychiatrist. Why must you always cause so much trouble? Don't you know you're wasting everyone's time? You're not worth it.'

And there it was. The little voice. 

Heaving out another sigh, Jackson got dressed and mentally prepared himself for the torture he was so sure today would bring.

He slipped into some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, allowing people to see his prominent collar bones. His pushed his hair back and shoved a snap-back on. Properly, not backwards. No point in trying to act normal. They all know now.

Jackson walked out of his room (after making sure Mark was okay) and then headed towards the kitchen. No matter how much he hated it, in order to continue working out as hard as he did, he would have to eat.

Completely giving up, he decided cereal was today's choice. If you're gonna eat, why not male the least effort to make something. 

As he was eating, a sleepy Jaebum walked in, saw him, and then walked back out,.going completely unnoticed. He did so for four reasons.

He was sleepy and  
He wasn't good with feelings and words in the first place.  
It had been decided that all of them would talk to Jackson in the morning and  
If anyone had the right to change that into a one-on-one conversation it was Mark Hyung .Not him.

\- 1 Hour Later (Jaebum and Jinyoung's room) -

All of the members, aside from Mark and Jackson, were gathered and having a meeting.

"So, I can only assume that the Mark Hyung is talking to Jackson about everything right now, but what are we going to do? How should we show him he is treasured?" Jinyoung spoke to his leader and dongsaengs.

There was an uncomfortable silence before Jinyoung sighed, "Great lot of help you are," leaning his head onto a frustrated Jaebum's shoulder.

YoungJae spoke up, " Maybe we should just show him we accept him how he is. Hold him more often, do more skinship with him. Jackson Hyung likes skinship because it comforts him, remember? He said it once in an interview."

Jinyoung gives him an appraising look and ruffles his hair, proud to have such a thoughtfull dongsaeng.

"So, we just shower him with affection and let him know that we think he's great the way he is?," BamBam nods to himself,"I can do that."

\- Meanwhile, in Jackson and Mark's room -

"So...you found out." Jackson says awkwardly and stiffly.

"Yeah..." Mark's voice fades off, already rough from crying previously.

There is a small moment of hesitance and mixed feelings before finally, "I'm sorry."

This startles Jackson. What could sweet, kind Mark possibly be sorry for?

"What for?" He asks, bewildered.

"For not noticing sooner." Mark looks so sad and regretful that Jackson can't help but move to sit next to him.

"You don't need to be sorry, I-" Jackson starts.

"You don't get it, I'm suppossed to be your best friend. I'm suppossed to be there for you no matter what and I should help you with every single obstacle you come across. You should've had someone and I should've been that someone, but I didn't know how much you were hurting. So you continued to hurt. And that's not fair on you." Mark grabs a hold of Jackson and continues to lift off reasons.

Reasons why he should've never have left Jackson alone.  
Reasons why he should've been more affectionate to Jackson.  
Reasons why he thought Jackson was amazing.  
Reasons why Jackson was loved by so many people.  
Reasons why Jackson should never feel bad again.

For hours on end Mark talked and talk, trying to convey how much he adored Jackson and how thought that Jackson was the best person ever and how Jackson was so (so, so, so, so) important to him.

And Jackson was slowly starting to believe the things he said. All the things he never thought were true, were said so passionately by the one person who was worth more than all the stars combined, that he couldn't help but believe it himself.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days were some of Jackson's best. Mark was always with him, to reassure him that Mark thought he was amazing and would never leave.

Of course, Mark had to share the love with other members and do fanservice and skinship with them, but it was obvious to everyone that the 'Markson' couple had gotten even closer then before.

The maknae line were great too, always joking and laughing with him, playing games and so on. There was also a great amount of affection that Jinyoung and BamBam contributed to when Mark wasn't around.

But somewhere, faintly, in the back of his mind where it was starting to fade, the little voice was whispering to him that they still didn't understand.

And when that voice was strongest, Jackson would grab Mark and just cuddle him, or at least have skinship with him in some way.

But then, slowly, the voice got more persistent and Jackson was starting to slip back into his old ways, the ones he had been trying so hard to get out of.

So of course, Mark brought it up. They were in the living room this time, lying on the sofa, a tangle of limbs and blankets.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" Mark murmured into Jackson's hair.

"Not...particularly." He snuggled into his Hyung's shoulder, tightening the arm he had Mark's waist.

"It's been bothering you for a while, right?...Maybe, we should explain to the others? Tell them how you feel and, I don't know, just let them know what you're going through." Mark squeezed Jackson back, his deep yet soft voice relaxing Jackson further.

"I have you though, and you understand."

"Yeah, but, I don't think I'm enough-". Mark has a point that he wants to bring out, but Jackson isn't having any of it.

"You're enough. Just don't leave."

"I know I tell you I won't leave you, because I won't, not voluntarily. But I won't be able to be with you all the time. No matter how much I want to." Somewhere along the line, they had both reverted to English.

The familiar language on both their tongues making everything feel so much more intimate to the two. Tangled and caught up in each other, the young men wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever. Jackson knew that they couldn't and Mark knew that even if they could people would frown upon it.

Sighing, Mark tried another tactic," What if you just choose one or two people to explain it to? Try explaining it to Jinyoung and Jaebum first? Or BamBam and YoungJae? Save Yugyeom for last?"

Jackson mulled over the idea for a bit. Would it be so bad as to let them know?

"I'll do it," Jackson hesitates," but only if you're there too. And only two at a time."

"Of course." Marks whispers, before pulling Jackson closer and allowing them to fall asleep.

\- The Next Morning -

Looking back on it, both the young men should've know what would happen. It was sort of guaranteed.

The teasing.

Yugyeom's greatest strength, they always told him, after his dancing, was his amazing affinity to tease everyone just so that they were irritated enough to want to hurt somebody but have no words to use against him.

"Ah, hyungs, what have you been up to?" He grinned innocently.

"We were sleeping, until you were here." Jackson muttered tiredly.

"Oh, Jackson hyung, are you angry I took you out of your snuggle session with Markie Poo?"

"Yah, that's Markie Poo-ssi to you, dongsaeng." Mark spoke, shouts only slightly muffled by Jacksons hair.

"Of course hyung. I just wanted to know what you two did last night." Yugyeom nudged the two.

"We were celebrating the fact that we didn't have to deal with this annoying child we know." Mark emphasized annoying.

"Oh, you two already have kids? Wow, working fast guys."

"Yeah, he's far too tall and has this really bad habit of being a brat. Actually, I think you know who I'm talking about." 

Before things could go any further, Kunpimook came up to the large, annoying, golden retriever of a boy, and dragged him into the kitchen.

"Definitely telling him last." Jackson muttered into Mark's shoulder.

Mark laughed, his chest vibrating pleasantly, and a warm sensation spread itself through-out Jackson, causing him to smile into his favourite hyung's skin.

\- Later that day -

Mark had asked Jinyoung and Jaebum to come into their shared room, amd Jackson was slowly melting into a puddle of nerves.

There were so many doubts that he was having. What if they didn't believe him? Thought he was pathetic? Thought he wasn't mentally stable and told him he had to leave the group? Or worse, what if they convinced Mark that Jackson wasn't worthy of his affection?

He would be heartbroken if he had to leave Mark, if they were separated, but Jackson thought that life might not be worth living if Mark didn't want him in any way.

He was brought out of his scary thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and the two oldest and Jinyoung.

Mark immediately sat besides Jackson, and held his hand. Jackson savoured it with the idea that after this talk he might not be able to come near Mark.

Mark squeezed Jackson's hand and that was all it took for him to start explaining. He started from when he first started being depressed, then moved onto when he started hurting himself. He answered all the questions they had and then broached the next topic, refusing food and the little voice in his head.

Jinyoung had the most questions, like; What makes you feel better? What type of food do you enjoy eating? Can you convince yourself that anything you do is okay or will the voice tell you no? 

Jackson answered as many questions as he could, slightly relieved that Jinyoung was concerned for him, not disgusted by him.

He needed a little more coaxing from Mark to tell them that he hated himself, and, sometimes,...wanted to die.

The mood of the room had gone from curious,understanding and sympathetic to downright depressing and heavy.

The explanation for this took longer than the others, with many pauses and shaky breaths. Twice Mark had to just hold Jackson until Jackson said he was okay and could continue.

At the end of it all, Jinyoung had moved over to sit next to him and was holding his other hand. Jaebum was staring straight into his eyes with an understanding look.

Jackson spoke one last time, "I just, I think all this but what right do I have? Because there are children and adults who would do anything fo live my life! I'm so ungrateful and I just-." 

Jaebum stands up to ruffle Jacksons hair,"Just because people are worse off than you don't mean your problems are any less real."

Jaebum smiles at Jackson and pats his shoulder, "You'll be alright."

"We love you. All of us. So don't feel like we don't want you around. Because we do." Jinyoung squeezes Jackson around his waist and then stands up.

"I have to go make dinner. I'll make andong jjimdak (찜닭). That's the one you can/like to eat, right?"

And so, Jackson eats the comforting food that his mother used to make, with the reassuring knowledge that he has two more people who understand and Mark.

He'll always have Mark.


	4. Chapter 4

Jaebum stares up at the ceiling, still awake even though it's 2:15 am, which is a bad idea because they do have a schedule tomorrow.

Jackson was on his mind. Jackson, who was not that much younger than him, had been so depressed and no one had known. It was a horrible and daunting thought but Jaebum was glad that it was past tense because of one young man from Taiwan.

Jackson was happiest around their oldest member and Jaebum had noticed the way they interacted daily. They were close, extremely so, and Jaebum had reason to believe that a new title will be placed upon them.

That's all they were, titles. Friends, when you know some one and don't mind hanging out with them.  
Best friends, when you know someone very well and love hanging out with them.  
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, when you have feelings for someone and decide that they are the most important person to you, for a certain amount of time.  
Wife/Husband, when you love and adore someone so much that you bind yourselves to each other permanently and know them better than you know anyone else.

Titles, that's all they were. To keep track of how close people were to each other. 

Jaebum didn't know how to classify 'Markson' though. They weren't dating, they never had, so he couldn't call them boyfriends (he was also pretty sure that they were closer than that.)

The boys were constantly hovering over each other. Jackson because Mark seemed so physically fragile, and Mark because Jackson was so mentally fragile.

They noticed the littlest of things about each other, and the obvious things. They knew almost everything about each other, and Jaebum was pretty sure they knew each other better than themselves.

Despite popular belief, humans don't need to just get over things. They need to learn from experiences and then fill themselves up with only what is best for them. And that is why Jaebum knew it was best that Mark was Jackson's most common thought.

He thought it was slightly unhealthy how much they needed each other to be happy, but the way they looked at one another, you could that they deserved each other.

He thought back to the last time when Jackson was genuinely happy all the time, before he was depressed. Last year. He could see the differences in behaviour, and when he looked back on their interviews, preformances and such, he could remember when smiling didn't put such a strain on him.

Suddenly, Jaebum leapt up. He knew how to tell Jackson that he was just right the way he was.

\- 7:30 am, at JYP -

Jaebum was ecstatic and he was guessing his members were figuring it out. He had ushered them to JYP a half hour earlier than usual.

"Okay, just work out until I come back." He sent everyone into their training room with all the exercise equipment and left Mark and Jinyoung in charge.

Jaebum walked towards JYP's office, sending wide grins to everyone he passed. Once he reached the office, he hesitated slightly at the door, before knocking for permission to enter.

"Come in." Was the beckoning call.

Jaebum steeled himself and entered the room. He told JYP all about his idea, showed him the lyric sheets and everything, the melodies and tune, the rhythm and so on.

In his head he went over the parts he gave Mark: /Just need to be happy, without a worry  
Don’t try to look for what isn’t good enough  
Turn your attention from the mirror to my eyes  
Get off the scale and onto my back/.

He loved every part of the song he had written, but he knew that Mark's part was his favourite, purely because it was something he knew Mark was too shy to say, but would mean 100% when it came down to it.

Jinyoung had come up with Youngjae's part (No matter how hard I try to find  
And look at you again and again  
That unpretty spot you keep talking about  
I can’t see it at all) and that was when the pair had decided that Jackson should have a part that he would obviously have to repeat over and over in practice, so much so, that he believed the words he was saying. Jaebum couldn't wait to show Jackson his rap parts.

\- 8:30 am -

Jaebum came back to the group and announced that they would be having a comeback in a few months, that there were already four composed songs, including the one they were going to go over now.

The whole group was happy, but there were mixed feelings. Would Jackson be able to deal with it? Would he be okay? He had Mark (and all the others), surely it would work out.

Jaebum passed out the lyric sheets, complete with notes and all (even a few doodles.)

Each person dove into their parts, immersing themselves in the music with sore muscles.

In the corner Jackson was going over his lines and smiling slightly.

"Mirror, mirror, please tell her  
Scale, you too tell her  
You don’t need to change a thing, you’re just pretty  
You look perfect just the way you are......You can’t find a flaw that doesn’t even exist  
You shine so brightly, so perfect in every way  
To me you’re so beautiful I want you  
Just the way you are, you’re the only one....."

From the corner of Jackson's eye, he saw Jaebum grinning at him ear to ear, and then, very cheesily, made a heart from his hands.

Suddenly, out of know where, YoungJae leapt at him, singing his part over dramatically and hanging off his arm, adlibbing all over the place, wailing and adding random things like; "Ahhhh, I love you so much", "Aish, what to do with such beauty?" And, his personal favorite,"Even a blind man could tell us how beautiful you are!"

BamBam also had taken to this and one by one, people were cornered and serenaded, much to the amusement of Yugyeom.

"Yah! Kunpimook! Respect your elders," Jinyoung yells, before ferociously attacking his younger with off key singing.

Mark slid up behind Jackson and slung an arm over his shoulder, and whispered his lines into his ear, causing Jackson to turn his head to look into Mark's eyes, their faces so close their noses were touching-

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!"

Thank you, Maknae line. Thank you very much.

 

딱 좋아(Just right) credits   
Lyricist : Park Jin Young

Composer : Carlos Battey, Steven Battey, Gavin Jones, Charles `Chizzy` Stephens III, C Minor, Jay Dmuchowski

Arrangements : Jackie Boyz, Charles `Chizzy` Stephens III, C Minor, Jay Dmuchowski, Gavin Jones


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have roughly seven-ish more chapters

They were five weeks into creating the album, and everyone had learnt their lines for each song.

The maknae line were having the most fun, constantly posting on Twitter and Instagram and filling the studio with even louder laughter than usual.

BamBam and YoungJae had been playing Uno together at the coffe table, Yugyeom off playing on the computer or X-box, or maybe just dancing.

The two were giggling away, making sounds of frustration every now and then, sometimes bursting out into loud laughter that echoed through out the dorm.

Mark walked up to them and sat down next to BamBam, "Hey, guys, let's have a talk."

"Are we in trouble, hyung?" BamBam immediately asks.

"Nope, but Jackson has something he needs to tell you, so you need to come to our room."

The mood becomes more serious and YoungJae automatically starts putting away the cards. There were thoughts swirling around in both of their heads and they were both slightly scared about what was to come.

Mark leads them to his room and closes the door behind them once they're all in.

Unable to help himself, BamBam asks if this is about his journal. The answer is affirmative and BamBam straightens his back quickly.

Jackson takes a few hours to fully explain everything that had been going on in his life and YoungJae had been shifting towards all human contact, wanting reassurance that everyone was real and there.

BamBam, at some point, had started a slow but steady flow of tears, a heavy feeling in his chest and a block in his throat.

The two listened carefully and became lulled into a calm state, where they were reassured by their elders interactions.

Mark would rub soothing circles onto Jacksons skin and in return he would get a head placed upon his shoulder.

Jackson would squeeze Marks knee and each time, depdnding on how hard he did it, Mark woulitd react. He either: held his hand, kissed his cheek, ruffled his hair, or wrapped an arm around him.

Mark would set a hand upon Jackson's shoulder and Jackson would straighten up and his voice would become stronger.

They had a whole, intricate system that contained secret looks, body language, code words and a varying degree of skinship.

It was something that anyone and everyone (who weren't Mak and Jackson) would never be able to understand and would never be able to unlock.

It was touching, really, how much they trusted each other, because they had always trusted each other with little things, but now they trusted each other with everything.

BamBam, at times, chose to compare them to himself and Yugyeom. He didn't know if it was as obvious but he was his best friend. They also had a system, but it was much easier for people to understand and and less intimate.

YoungJae, Jinyoung and Jaebum were also really close, and BamBam thinks that if he had never met Mark and Jackson, he would have thought they were the closest beings in the known Universe.

All of his hyungs just seemed to know what to do for each other and what they other was thinking, without any words being said.

\----------

YoungJae listened carefully to everything that was said to them, to everything that was explained to them. At some points he made a whining noise in the back of throat, as if to protest to the things Jackson was saying.

He didn't like what he was hearing and he couldn't even use the reassurance that he could for most things that scared him "it isn't real", because it most certainly was!

How could this have happened to their 'happiest' hyung?

\----------

After a few hours of talking with his hyungs and BamBam, and a thirty minute cuddle session (as if to say 'I'm here'), YoungJae found himself on his phone, ready to Google.

He entered the first word he wanted explained. Thank you, Wikipedia.

'Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being. People with depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, ashamed or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience overeating or loss of appetite, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present.'

Going through all that and being an idol? You already have so much pressure on you to be great and Knetz judging, but with this, you already have your own judgmental little voice!

THANK YOU HATERS, BUT WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!!!

Psht, little know-it-alls, thinking they know everything about us.

Shutting his phone off, YoungJae decides he is done with life and goes back to Mark and Jackson's room.

He opens the door to their room and then closes it behind him. He finds his hyungs half-asleep, cuddling on their beds (which they had pulled together so that they wouldn't fall off the choosen bed when they cuddled).

"Oh, YoungJae, what's up?" Mark asks, one of his arms untangling from Jackson.

YoungJae accepts the invitation and snuggles in between the two and explains, very seriously, "I am done with life. I'm going to find a farm and live on it. Either as an animal or a man. I don't care at this point."

Mark and Jackson laugh, creating an enveloping warm feeling that YoungJae loves.

He's glad the two had each other, and he's glad there was such a thing as Got7.

\----------

As BamBam falls asleep next to his best friend, he realises that Got7 is probably the best thing that had ever happened to any of them. Even if it had come with a few hardships, he thought it was worth it in the long run.


	6. Chapter 6

Mark had no idea what to do. They were just about to record a show and he had completely lost his voice, he couldn't even whisper! How is that even possible? He wasn't even a singer!

Mark mouthed English swear words angrily, in hopes that at least one of them would be heard, but to no avail. All he got was a curious yet amused Jackson. Not that he was complaining, but he kinda needed his voice too.

"Is there a reason that you're mouthing swear words or do you just hate everything?" Jackson giggled.

Mark managed to make a whining sound and flopped his head onto Jackson's lap. He looked up at the younger boy and made a face at him (he wasn't sure what type of face he pulled, he just let his facial muscles decide.)

"What's wrong? Do you not like the script? I admit, the part where Jaebum-" and off he went, chattering away, and Mark let him. It was nice to see (and hear) Jackson talk more, like when he hadn't been depressed.

It wasn't forced and Jackson actually wanted to tell Mark these things, let him know what he thought, just so he could hear Mark speak and tell him what he thought.

Jinyoung walked up to the two and asked, "What's wrong with Mark? Or is this just some more 'Markson' for the world?"

Mark flailed his arms at him and pointed at his throat, before crossing his fingers to make an 'X'. He repeated this a couple times before Jinyoung understood.

"Ah, you lost your voice....crap, you lost your voice!"

"Who lost their voice?" The maknae asks.

"Mark."

"Mark lost his voice?" Jaebum joined in on repeating what Mark already knew.

"Well, what are we gonna do? It's not like we can give him a whiteboard and marker and expect him to communicate that way." Jaebum sighed.

\----------

Mark sat at the back silently with his whiteboard, twisting around on his spinny chair in slight boredom.

Everyone had been active and contributed to the activities in some way and all Mark had done was look pretty and done a few martial arts tricks.

It was annoying, and now he was bored, left with nothing to do. Sadly, he started doing the gwiyomi song, the pout that he had unknowingly made out of sadness contributing to his cuteness.

He had gotten up to doing the whole song twice when someone finally noticed him.

"Ah, Mark...what are you doing?" One of the MCs laughed, pointing him out to the rest of the people present, even though Mark was pretty sure he heard some noonas making noises and comments about him of to the side.

Mark's only response to the MC was a half-hearted shrug and a sad puppy dog look, before he pulled two of his rubber bracelets off his wrist and started fiddling with them, twisting them and tying them into knots.

He heard some cooings of 'oh, how cute' from the female MC and a few of his members, but he wasn't really paying attention as he was too busy moping, so when Jackson pulled him closer in an attempt to soothe him, he just ended up with Mark's head on his shoulder. Which, of course, got more cooings.

\----------

Mark had gone several hours without his voice and his mood was becoming worse and worse, quickly making the sweet young man, sour.

At one point he almost waved off Jackson, before remembering that he was only being sulky and he would rather Jackson wasn't upset with him.

They were going to have dance practice now, learning and going through the choreography for 'Just Right'.

Mark liked the choreo, it was fun, bouncy and impressive (he thought). There was just a lot of switching positions that they found a bit hard.

Also, he rather liked the fact that he could sing along in English, in his head, as he danced. He could make up scenes and scenarios of him and a certain someone whilst listening to the song and still dance properly, so used to the dance routine now that he could do it on autopilot.

Though, being trapped in his own head when dancing also had it's disadvantages. At some point during the day, he had switched to English completely, not really bothering with try to communicate with anyone, so when Jaebum called him and the others over to talk more about the choreography and spoke directly to him, he was mostly lost.

He raised his hand in the air in a 'stop', panicking at the fact that he couldn't understand him.

"What?" He managed to croak out in English, and rather than being happy over finally being able to say a word, he was stilled confused.

"농담 그만 , 우리는 연습을 해야합니다!" Jaebum scolded, well, Mark assumed he was scolding him, but all he could really understand was 'stop' and 'we'.

"Seriously, I can't remember any of my Korean. I can't understand you." Mark said in a very husky voice, throat sore and eyes wide with panic.

Jackson, quickly understood the situation and translated for his hyung. The members faces ranged from amused, unimpressed and pitying. Mark found himself wanting to punch someone, but held the urge down because abuse is wrong.

Jaebum told Jackson something, to which he turned around with his thinking face on," Jaebum-hyung said that we're going to dance in groups of three, so that there's less people to worry about when we switch positions."

Mark nods at him gratefully, patting his cheek before walking to Youngjae who dutifully tells him who he is with.

\---------

Jackson had been dancing for hours on end, along with the others, and it was starting to get to get to everyone. Especially Mark, who's pout had intensified throughout the day.

Jackson hoped it wouldn't be permanent, because as freaking adorable as it was, he much rathered seeing him smile. And hearing his voice.

Jaebum finally called the quits and everyone just kind of collapsed next to their water bottles.

Jackson half-crawled half-slid across the floor towards Mark, the intense need to be near the oldest member was something Jackson thought would never change.

"You okay?" He asked in Korean, before repeating in English.

All he got was a thumbs up. Jackson suddenly launched into a tale about HongKong (seeing as his hyung wouldn't be able to talkanytime soon), loud enough for everyone to hear, and secretly dubbed the situation as 'Story Time' in his head.

He told them all about his fencing and his family, then talked about the neighborhood he lived in and all his neighbors. He told them all about his home, repeating stories he had told them before, and telling them ones they had never heard. He said all of it with such a deep and intense fondness that it reminded everyone of the way he talks about Mark.

With love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I suck


	7. Chapter 7

Jackson stared at the lines on his body. Not the natural ones made by time and habits. The ones made by him, one awful habit. Mark seemed to be upset with him, even if he insisted he was fine, he didn't like the way Jackson thought, the idea that he had. 

"Do I really have to tell Yugyeom? Because, everything has been fine and Yugyeom's young-"

"Jackson, I know you're scared to tell him, but it isn't fair to leave him out in this. Everyone else knows." Mark had soothed him, placated him with sweet words and soft touches. But Jackson was nothing, if not stubborn.

In the end Mark had left, frustrated with his best friend, and unwilling to tell him that what he thought was a good idea.

Jackson hadn't cut because of the minor argument, but he still stared at the old scars his body held. His thighs were especially scarred, lines going in every direction. They were chosen to take most of the pain, because that's where no one would ever see. Not without being extremely perverted and having their actions frowned upon.

He supposed that he would tell Yugyeom. (He was going to anyway, but no one else knew that.) He may be the maknae, and not as well versed in these sort of things, but he had experienced other things, lots of pressure and hate and unhealthy life styles. Yugyeom could deal with this. So could Jackson.

Steeling himself, Jackson left his room to find Mark and Yugyeom. Mark was in the kitchen on his phone, watching a random YouTube video he found amusing. 

The second he heard footsteps, he looked up. Jackson gave him a quick nod and told him to grab his wallet and get ready to go out. Mark didn't question him, but heard him talking to Yugyeom about getting food and going for a walk with him and 'Mark hyung'.

Jaebum gave Mark a look when he passed him, basically telling him that he must be responsible when they're out, because he's the oldest.

Jackson took his two companions to a small corner store, had Mark buy them ice creams and proceded to lead them randomly through out streets and alleyways.

As Mark and Yugyeom ate their ice creams, Jackson told them things. Random things to more important things, licking his ice cream if it got too melty. 

He started off telling them all about his old school in Hong Kong, going on to telling them about fencing and his family. He spoke seriously, lacking the joking air that he usually held around him. He told them his thoughts about the world, and then his old thoughts, the ones he used to think about himself, to his current feelings. 

He let loose a few secrets he had held close, and told them things about himself he hadn't realised until then, when he just couldn't stop talking and he was finally being alerted by his subconscious that these were things that he did/was/thought.

***

Mark had stared at the sky while they walked and talked, holding Jacksons hand, trusting that he would lead him safely.

He watched as it changed colors. He watched as all sorts of clouds drifted past at different paces. He watched as the sky turned different hues and birds flowed across the sky's large expanse.

Eventually, stars started twinkling behind those clouds and birds, and Mark pretended he knew constellations and created shapes in his head.

There was a crown, there was a flower, there was banana. There was the number 7.

It was rather pretty. Not with purples and greens like on Google Images. Just one, large, navy blue canvas with white dots spattered across it.

***

Yugyeom had spent the entire time contemplating. He compared all of his thoughts to Jackson's. He realised things about the world and noticed the things Jackson (and ocassionally) Mark pointed out to him.

There was a lot that he had missed out on because he had become a trainee (and then an idol) and now some of those things had become clearer to him. He knew there was a lot that he would never be able to experience, just like the other members, there were opportunities he had missed out on.

He looked at his elders intwined hands and felt a flood of affection towards the two, and the rest of his group. How long would they last? How long will they stay together with such comfort around each other? Would they get past the five year mark?

'There is nothing so bad as parting with one's friends. One seems so forlorn without them.' (Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice.) He recalled his mother telling him.

He didn't know the answer to his questions, but for now there were six other people in his life that he held dear, and never wanted to let go.

'The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.' (Elizabeth Foley.) He recalled his grandmother saying.

He was full of quotes and phrases. Repeated to him by family and the little voice in his head that often sang one part of a song over and over.

That one voice reminded him of things. Only sounds, though. It was for quotes he had heard, lines from movies and conversations others had had with him around. And music.

Lots of song lyrics were up there. Darting around his head. Sometimes they were even their own songs ('A' popped into his head frequently) but that's not the point.

The point is, Yugyeom knew, was that, to the world you may be one person; but to one person you maybe the world. (Dr. Seuss.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for so many quotes. I haven't actually read this in so long and I kind of wish I hadn't written this whole thing.


	8. Chapter 8

Jackson rolled around non-comitically, pouting over his most recent loss. It was only one game of Mario Cart and it really shouldn't have affected him as much as it did, but he had held the title of Wii champion for so long (being the master of Cooking Mama, Rabbids and Just Dance also) and he had thought that he was somehow immune to losing on those games.

"Yah, get up you big baby." Mark says, flopping on top of him. 

"You realise that you're on top of me. I can't get up," Jackson mumbles into the covers of the bed, face smushed into the sheets, "Not like I wanted to." 

"Irrelevant." Mark buries his nose into Jackson's shoulder blade and pokes his sides.

"Get up you doofus." Jackson wonders why there is no word for doofus in Korean... or maybe he just hasn't found it yet?

Jackson bucks Mark off of him and grabs his hand, heaving him up, "Mark, I have an important question for the Koreans of this dorm. We must go on an adventure."

They find Jinyoung and Jaebum in the kitchen, the maknae line still occupied with the Wii.

"Hyungs, what's the word for 'doofus' ?" Then Jackson remembers that if they don't have the word in Korean and they don't know English, then how are they supposed to tell him?

So, of course, the only solution is to Google it. The best result he gets is ' Doofus (n.) 얼간이, 바보' but he translates those to goofy and silly and realises that Korea's insult game is really weak.

He lays his forehead on Mark's shoulder in despair, "All hope is lost," He whispers, "Korea has fallen. All because we couldn't insult the other country back."

"There, there," Mark pats him on the back, "If we really must, we always have English to insult people. And they probably won't even understand!"

Jackson perks up a bit and makes his way to the living room cautiously.

He stands next to the couch, right by Youngjae and Yugyeom (Kunpimook left to the corner store to satisfy his cravings) and leans forward slightly.

"Weeny. Lame-o. Sucker. Dweeb. Nimrod." He gets up to five insults before crumbling, "No, I take it back, I love you all."

He ruffles their hair and mentally makes sure to remember to treat them to something. Possibly.

"That wasn't at all satisfying." Jackson grumbles.

"Yeah, well I can say the the same about the Percy Jackson films." Mark retorts.

"I had nothing to do with it." Giving Mark a bewildered look, he raises his hands in surrender. 

Mark gives him a look, which slowly melts into a look, and then Jackson is pulled into a hug of epic proportions and gets cooed over.

***

They've got a photoshoot to do for the new album, but no one is even slightly enthusiastic for it. Not now, at a ridiculous time that has left them all a bit stupid.

"Time - ไม่ดี." Kunpimook gives up on letting his members know what he's talking about and shakes his head tiredly.

Unfortunately for everyone, Yugyeom is always a large bundle of energy. And if he isn't, he makes up for it by annoying the heck outta them.

"Baro neo, geugeon neo, nal wihan namja neun baro neo  
Eori sukhae boyeo do, naman saranghae jul

You are My Shy Shy Shy Boy  
Oh Oh Oh My Boy  
Jalsaeng giji anha do maeumi ttadeut han geureon namja Oh  
Bye Bye Bye Boy  
Oh Oh Oh Bad Boy  
Wanbyeok haji anha do namaneul akkyeo jul geureon namja Shy Boy!" He sang along to himself, trying to reach higher pitches as he did so.

 

"Ugh, ผมไม่สบาย." Kunpimook complained.

Jinyoung pet his hair and helped him into the car waiting for them, pushing Youngjae out of the way lightly.

Mark yawns and smacks Yugyeom upside the head softly, smiling sleepily at his pout and tugs Jackson and Yugyeom to the car. He's majorly tired, but he knows that he'll be able to sleep through some of hair and make up, and the car ride too, if the members are nice. 

***

They arrive at their destination safely, without a hitch. It's a relief to be out of the car, even if it means that they have to get to work very soon. Most of the members of Got7 slept on their way there and Kunpimook now felt better.

They get given instructions and a run down of how the shoot is going to go, all the while having staff members flutter around them and chose their outfits.

As soon as the outfits are picked out and put on, they move onto hair and make up. The hairdresser hyung and noona(s) get their hair done quite quickly, but still well done, and lets it rest while the make up noonas work on them.

As soon as their make up is complete, their coordi noonas rush at them, picking at dust and straightening things out (or tilting them, it really depends). 

Once their clothes look the way the staff desires, the hair stylists take their time to make sure that their hair will stay the way they want it to.

The group shots are taken first, before they split up into groups of two and go for individual and paired shots. Everyone works well, despite being tired, though they suppose they're used to it.

It's kind of sad, when they think about it. They may have their fans and the thrill of being on shows and doing videos and performing, they also have to practice almost 24/7, be extremely careful about they way they act and watch what they say. They live incredibly monitored lives, ones that are amazingly taxing and rather painful.

'Better here than at SM.' Got7 aknowledges.

They know that they're lucky, and they are thankful for what they have. They're just tired. Constantly.

***

They finish the photoshoot a few hours later, and no one can really remember what they have on their schedule next, so they all get ready to leave.

It takes a bit to remove everything that the staff wants them too, but because they are unaware of what the staff want, they don't have to do it themselves.

"D'you think that Big Bang are happier or sadder than us?" Youngjae asks quietly.

"It really depends on what makes them happy. They live different lives than us, and have different mindsets and personalities. They all have experienced different things from us, so I don't really think it's fair to compare us." Jaebum states.

Mark nods his head, but only slightly so as not to disturb the staff working on him, "Mm, I think that goes for all groups. We've all had to do different things to achieve what we have now." 

There's a small amount of tittering and aknowledgement before one of the cordi noonas speaks up, holding a piece of a jacket that had torn.

"All groups should not be compared, because, yes, they are different in who they are and what has happened to them previously, but what really matters at this moment in their - and your - lives, is what they are trying to achieve. What they're trying to reach. What they see as important and what they want will be what motivates them and keeps them going. You all want different things." She shrugs, and everyone spends a moment if silence. That is, until someone points out that this is the noona that got in trouble for spilling juice on the floor because her juice box had a hole in it.


	9. Chapter 9

Everyone can hear the loud laughter from Jackson and Mark's room, and everyone knows it's also not Mark.

Jacskon hadn't been able to talk to Youngji for a while now, and now that the opportunity to talk to her had presented itself, he had taken complete advantage of it.

Mark wasn't jealous that Jackson was talking to a pretty girl idol the same age as him. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

He was just....not in a talkative mood. Nothing was out of the norm, Mark's a quiet person by nature. That's why Got7 is the perfect group for him, bringing him out of his shell in a gentle but still hyper and true-to-themselves manner.

Mark rolls his eyes as he hears a loud thump from his room, knowing that Jackson had either fallen over laughing or had done something stupid.

"Hyung, do you want to help me with the shopping?" Jinyoung asks him, putting his coat on and monitoring the list that the other members are making.

Mark tilts his head slightly as he thinks, "Sure." He shrugs and heads towards his room to find socks and a hoodie.

He enters quietly, and has already found and put on socks befpre Jackson notices him. He lets out a startled but happy, "Mark!", and waves.

Mark nods to him and pulls on a grey hoodie, "I'm going out with Jinyoung, do you want anything?"

"Going out?" Jackson asks, confused.

"Shopping." Mark clarifies with a nod, thinking what else could that mean in terms of the other members and idol life?

"Oh, uh...we need more cheese slices. And toothpaste."

On the other side of the Skype call, Youngji snorts.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Mark Oppa!" She waves, smiling prettily and glowing pleasantly with warmth.

"Annyeong." Mark greets, being unintentionally and unbearably cute.

Youngji is only slightly jealous of his cuteness ability, but it's not in her nature to be jealous, so it passes in seconds. 

Jackson just thinks it's horribly unfair that Mark can be so attractive in everyway without even trying.

"I have to go now, I'll see you later Jackson. Bye Youngji!" Mark gives Jackson a nod and Youngji a bright smile, and leaves.

Soon after, Jackson ends the call.

***

"So, you excited about the comeback?" Jinyoung asks him as they stroll out of their apartment building.

"Uhhuh." Mark nods.

"I have mixed feelings about it, I overheard the staff talking about us releasing a Japanese MV, I'm not sure if that would be for this comeback or a separate release, but yeah." Jinyoung tells him, grabbing his hand to tug him away from the busy road he was becoming dangerously close to.

His only answer is a nod and a squeezed hand.

They continue on with Jinyoung filling the air talking about everything. He talks about their comeback, that one episode of a drama he watched, the shape of that cloud, the members who are currently out training extra instead of having their day off. Jinyoung isn't an overly talkative person, despite his behaviour at the moment, but when he's knows Mark is being especially introverted, he takes charge and simply enjoys his company.

"Hyung, be careful." Mark mutters, pulling Jinyoung closer to himself so that he doesn't bump into a flock of high school girls.

"Oh, thanks." Jinyoung says as soon as he is released from Mark's hold.

***

"Okay, you're all great, but you eat like angry hippos." Jinyoung sighs as he places yet another packet of food to the shopping cart.

"Sorry," Mark gives him a cheeky grin, slinging an arm over Jinyoung's shoulder, "I'll try to dial down my inner angry hippo."

"You better." He's rewarded a mock angry look.

They continue shopping, aware of the looks they are being given. They aren't sure what they are supposed to mean, but they weigh heavily on their shoulders and make shopping an uncomfortable experience. But Mark and Jinyoung are bandmates, and know each other incredibly well, so it's not hard for them to distract each other.

At some point, when they're nearlly done shopping, Jaebum sends them a text telling them to come home soon. A few minutes later, their manager tells them that there are pictures of them online now, and that they should probably get out quickly.

So they head to the checkouts and pay as quickly as they can, Jinyoung's skill letting them pack up speedily. Mark grabs five bags in a show of strength and tugs Jinyoung to the exit and back to the dorm. 

While they walk back, Jinyoung silently takes two bags from Mark - who wouldn't let him take three - and they continue their way with small banter.

***

"We're home!" Jinyoung calls out as soon as they enter, and immediately Youngjae, Jaebum and Jackson rush over to help (Kunpimook wanted to help too, but Yugyeom was against him leaving.)

Mark makes a sound of pleasure once all the bags are taken from his grasp, and he then collapses on the sofa, across Yugyeom and Kunpimook's legs.

"Hi hyung." Kunpimook aknowledges, his eyes not leaving Yugyeom's as they have a staring contest.

"Mm." Mark nuzzles his head deeper into the sofa cushions.

He can hear the others putting away the groceries and, after a minute or two, reluctantly rolls himself of the sofa and starts towards the kitchen.

"Ah, Mark, can you put away this?" As soon as he enters the room, Jaebum takes advantage of his height and asks him to put away everything that goes in the higher shelf.

Dutifully, he gets to work, even going as far as to arrange food due to color.

It only takes them three or so minutes to put everything away, but they can all hear Yugyeom telling Kunpimook how hungry he is.

Soon enough, Mark and Jackson are being shooed out of the kitchen as the other three start on dinner (even though everyone knows that Jaebum will only talk to Jinyoung and Youngjae, possibly passing ingredients if asked.)

Jackson grabs Mark's hand after a moment of hesitation, and brings them both to the living room, where Kunpimook and Yugyeom are watching dance videos on Youtube.

He's home.

Jackson falls asleep on Mark's shoulder, which means Mark asks for his dinner to be brought to him, instead of waking Jackson up.

When Jackson does wake up, it's about two am, and Mark has fallen asleep right next to him, snuggling into the blanket Yugyeom draped over them half-heartedly.


	10. Chapter 10

Jackson was in a mood. Not on purpose, and not the sulky kind. The kind where the depression is really pushing it's head in.

They had just finished a radio broadcast - one filled with many faked laughs - and it had been torture.

But Jackson survived by being extra cheesy - the more fanservice, the easier it would be for people to brush off anything that looked funny. Also, Jackson knew how to act, he knew how to distract fans too.

Laying his head against the window, he mourned the loss of his happiness. He was in a photoshoot at the moment, for some sort of magazine, and they wanted him to be serious and upset looking. The photoshoot was all about opposite imagery. Youngjae was wearing leather jackets and pretending to bully 'nerd Yugyeom', who was wearing some amazing red glasses.

It was that sort of concept.

Spreading the depressed feeling thick, Jackson tilted his head slightly and stared intensly at his fingers with an very upset and dazed look on his face.

After a few more angsty shots, they had two more things for him to do. They changed his outfit and took him to a room designed to look like an abandoned hospital. They gave him a red marker and allowed him to draw on any skin not covered by fabric (a.k.a his forearms) as he posed.

He found himself drawing clouds, zigzag and sharp shapes and lots of dots. He drew some monsters, fangs and claws. Encircling his wrists were snakes (surprisingly good ones too) and he had tiny birds (ㅅ - the sort of stickmen ones) traveling across his skin.

The photographer loved the shoot, enjoying what he thought was amazing acting. The expressions he managed to capture Jackson making delighted him.

It took them twenty minutes to change his clothes, re-style his hair and wash his arms before he was moved outside.

He was by a murky pond, a wooden and stone bench right next to it, sitting beside a rusted black, metal bridge.

It was around 04:50am, so it was bordering between light and dark, but leaning more towards grey and depression with slight hints of a soft purple trying to arise.

Some old and ugly seagulls flew past them and near them, often becoming part of the shots and pleasing the photographer further. It all had a grunge Tumblr blog feel to it, and it was very aesthetically pleasing.

Jackson sighed heavily, at least my mood is helping the shoot...

Moving his hand up to block out the sight of a helicopter flying by, he yawned slightly, his mouth opening only the tiniest amout. It wasn't fair that BamBam had been made a lethargic person for this concept and got to sit on a window bench in fluffly blankets. He hadn't even started the shoot yet - they were waiting for the sunrise!

Grumbling to himself, Jackson shifted around on his butt, pulling his arm down to rub just below his lip briefly.

Let's get this over with.

***

Jackson opened his journal. He had been let home before the others since he had started his shoot first and earliest.

He picked up a pencil and placed the tip to the worn and torn paper of the journal.

'Being depressed is like living in a large cell, where we are tortured by strong feelings of sadness, regret and anger. We are dragged through days, each of them presenting their own challenges, and making us feel horrible about ourselves. We feel empty in a sense, yet we are bursting with hurt and confusion. You can't tell your friends or your family, because you don't want their judgment and you know that they won't ever understand exactly how you feel. You will react differently to things, strongly or not, and people won't understand why. Talking doesn't help unless it's into a pillow or to the mirror. Angry rants after crying in the shower. You've learnt well enough how to deal with everyone and that's by staying silent and fading into the background. It's hard to recover, especially with all the thoughts you have, the questions you want to ask be won't because someone will become suspicious.'

Closing his eyes, he puts down the pencil. He knows that there's only supposed to be 'me' instead of 'we' and 'you'. He just wants someone to relate to.

Maybe people in his head will join him?

That's a scary thought - he doesn't like it.

But if they won't talk to me, who will?

It's ridiculous. He lives with six other people. 

Why do I so often feel alone then?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel really bad about all of these chapters and their, and how I've just unloaded a ton of feelings onto an amazing group of people who don't deserve to be seem in this light....

I regret my existence. I wish I could blame it on others, but my brain always tells me that it's not their fault, and it goes right back to me.

Sometimes, I get so angry. But apparently I'm not good at anger, so that quickly turns into sorrow.

I hate myself, that I'm alive, everything about me. I am horrible. I hate me. So much.

I wish I was dead.

Or, better yet, that I never existed.

***

It was one of those days, when Jackson just couldn't think of anything other than how much he just didn't want to be.

They'd already gone on two radio shows and had a small performance in a shopping center, and he was pretty sure that once they got back to JYP they were getting changed and doing hardcore dance practice again.

He sighs, pulling off his snapback and tugging a hand through his hair. He sits himself down in one of the stylist noona's seats and lets her do whatever to him until she's satisfied (he thinks she only touched up his makeup a little.)

Why can't he just... not? Jackson can't explain it with words accurately but he just doesn't want to be.

There's a small shuffling sound from behind the door, and he knows it's his band members dorking around and possibly filming something. He can hear them laughing, and smiles a little. They mean a lot to him, they really do, but sometimes he wonders if he's there for any particular reason, or just because JYP needed to aviod the name Got6 (because that sounds stupid.)

The door opens and Youngjae bursts in with Kunpimook, laughing loudly and repeating 'Jackson hyung! Hyung! Jackson!' inbetween their giggles.

"Mm?" Jackson asks, noticing Jinyoung behind them with a camera.

"Jaebum told us to make you sing!" Youngjae says, but that's not what he had been laughing about, because he was laughing about when Yugyeom tripped Jaebum, an epic moment that fans will love forever.

Jackson gives the two a look,"No."

"Why not, Jackson hyung?" Kunpimook whines slightly.

"I can't sing." He states, and if Mark had been there he would have protested.

Realizing that this is 'unusual' behavior for him, he quickly adds on, "If you make me, people will come here shouting 'Why are you abusing animals in here?!' Really. I can't sing. No." Mark would have said this wasn't true as well.

But Mark wasn't there, so no one pushed it further.

After he calms down his laughter, Youngjae looks sad and lets out a small, "Aw." Youngjae leaves the room again, but (a violently giggling) Kunpimook gives Jackson a small hug before following after - which Jinyoung caught with the camera.

***

Jackson feels not as sad, so he interacts a bit more with his members and thanks the staff a little more.

He still feels mentally and emotionally tired - even though he knows he could dance for an hour straight.

He even finds it in himself to giggle a little at the stupid 'what did the ocean say to the shore? nothing he just waved' joke from Youngjae.

He still isn't in peak condition though (he doesn't think any of them have since they became trainees), and he ends up in a blank sort of state, prompting Jaebum to call him 'blank Ja' after Running Man's Song Ji Hyo a.k.a 'blank Ji', and earns lots of laughter from those around at the time.

***

Eventually, Jackson has his schedule finished, whilst the others still have to work.

Not really, they all finished at around 4am and he didn't want to go out to eat with the others.

Pulling off his sweat-soaked clothes and heading to the bathroom, Jackson asks himself, 'What is wrong with chickens? Why can't they fly?'

He decides, whilst lathering his hair with shampoo, that he'll just have to Google it. After that, whilst drying off, he decided that that can wait for tomorrow. Right now, he just wants to sleep.

He slips on a thin, long-sleeved shirt - one way too big for him - it's probably one of Jinyoung's or Jaebum's, and curls up in his bed.

Just as he starts to dirft off, he hears someone enter the dorm. Once he hears them talk to themselves, he figures out it's Mark.

Listening closely, Jackson hears him repeat what he did - although much faster - and within 2 two minutes, Mark is in the room with him.

Mark, slightly shyly, slips into Jacksons bed behind him. He acts as the 'big spoon' and is soon enough warmed by the bed's comfort.

"You okay?" Mark asks in Chinese, hoping that the action will comfort Jackson.

After a couple of seconds, Jackson replies in English, thankful of Mark's attempt and wanting to return the favor, "I'm fine... You?"

Mark snuggles slightly into Jackson.

"I'm good."

Then, Mark says, "I know that I can't always be there to give you confidence, but, you should know, I think you're pretty amazing."

There's a brief silence, during which both young men are contemplating the words just said.

"I think you're amazing too, Mark."

Satisfied, Mark wraps an arm around the younger and squeezes lightly, expressing his affection through actions.

And then, they both fall asleep, content with that moment left for them, made by them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Super angsty, mentions of blood and self-harm. Basically read at your own discretion.
> 
> Super long (1800-something words) compared to the other chapters (700 - 800-something words) so I'm not kinding when I say a lot of angst. But some fluff too.

Reluctantly, he handed over the key in his hand, weighing the cool metal in regret. He had hoped that they wouldn't find the locker in the box in the back of his closet, hidden underneath piles of clothing. But they had, and now, worried for his health, they were demanding to know what was in it. 

"Jackson, we know that you've been having some .... un-favourable thoughts, and it's just really hard for us to know that in a home like ours - a place where we have no secrets," the urge to interrupt him before he had finished was over-whelming, "- and you have a locker in your closet that you've managed to hide for a long period of time .... it's worrying." Fortunately for Jaebum, he got to finish speaking.

"I really, really appreciate your concern, but I-." 

" 'But' what, Jackson?" Mark's voice had never sounded so cold, turning Jaebum's speech into something of the past and the last thing on Jackson's mind.

Jackson sighed, running a hand through his hair - something Mark usually cooed at mentally - and bit his lip. This wasn't going to be easy for him. For anyone, really. How did he explain this to his best friends? How did he explain this to Mark? This wasn't something he knew how to talk himself out of, this was one of the biggest secrets he had ever kept - second only to one.

"Mark, I can't really tell you, I mean-." Jackson bit his lips harshly as he saw Marks offended and hurt look.

"Not even if Jaebum leaves?" He asks.

"I - I don't know. Maybe, I just - I-." Jackson attempts to catch his breath and tugs at his hair a little, ignoring the shuffling of feet outside the door.

"You don't get it, I'm supposed to be your best friend. I'm supposed to be there for you no matter what and I should help you with every single obstacle you come across. You should've had someone and I should've been that someone, but I didn't know how much you were hurting. So you continued to hurt. And that's not fair on you."

"Okay, but only you, Mark." Jackson sighed, trying to plan out what he was going to say, so focused that he didn't notice Jaebum leave the room. 

Five minutes passed before Mark finally called for Jackson's attention, "Jackson. Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Jackson was about to ask why he thought anything was wrong, before he realized that that would be a stupid thing to do. Hesitantly, he holds his hand out and waits for Mark to grasp it. He needs to ease them into it, needs to pull them through the dark tunnels of his mind and come out with only information. He needs to not hurt Mark in the process.

"It's similar to a treasure box, but it holds all the bad things. Razors, bloody tissues that would be too easily noticed anywhere else, hateful messages written down, letters to myself that remind me why I am not good enough for the world. It holds pictures... pictures of my childhood and of you guys - not that you guys are bad memories, you just make me very emotional sometimes. You are particularly good at that. I have an old diary in there, and a small pouch of broken seashells for some reason." With shaky hands, Jackson opens the box up, the key having been given to Mark upon his insistence. Jackson pulls out handfuls and handfuls of bloody tissues and notes with rust colored splotches on them. He digs around and finds some pictures taken from many different cameras, inevitable spots of red-brown on them. (They're fairly harmless pictures too, just Got7 laughing and smiling, hanging out and being together.) There's a large wad of crinkled sheets that Jackson pulls out, but leaves them folded, and moves on to pulling out his three razors - being careful to keep them away from Mark so that he doesn't get hurt.

Mark uses a finger to flip a particularly blood covered picture over to reveal all of Got7 - excluding Jackson - huddled on the couch, half-asleep and lazily smiling at the camera, with Jackson in the background smirking slightly down at them. Mark's lips quirk up slightly up at the sight of them all, until a certain light falls onto the picture and Jackson's figure disappears, only to reappear once the light is gone. He isn't sure why, but watching Jackson disappear so easily from the picture makes Mark's eyes prick with tears. Mark doesn't ask what sort of trick was used for the effect to be created, or if it was even intentional, but he does look at Jackson with a soft frown, and hopes that he can help.

He knows that he doesn't want to read the letters or notes, and he knows that know would be a bad time to inspect anything further, so Mark simply sits and waits, staring down at the objects before him. Jackson, who had been watching Mark closely the whole time, pulled the picture out of Mark's hands, and places it down. He gathers everything back gently, and lifts it into the container once again.

What was Mark to do with all of this new information? How was Mark supposed to react to this? Jackson is someone really, really important to him and this is something important about Jackson. His insecurities and his worries, what he's been through and how he thinks of himself and the world. All of these things, these facts and habits that Jackson have, they're only part of what makes him Jackson, a part that Mark has only recently started to uncover. And whilst Mark knows Jackson is strong and he's been dealing with everything his-self, doesn't mean he should. Especially is he's convinced that the only way to deal with it is to suppress and conceal it, and then take it out on himself. Jackson doesn't deserve to hurt, he doesn't deserve to think he's useless and stupid or anything like that.

Jackson deserves the world. The sky, Sun and Moon. He deserves the stars and oceans. He deserves love and affection, butterflies in his stomach - not because he's anxious or scared - but because someone has made him so happy that his chest has started to feel light and warm. He deserves to have a pounding heart only because he's being hugged so tightly and laughing so hard that he can't breathe. Jackson deserves people who make everything better, and people who make him feel good about himself. He needs people to give to him and to take from him, only what's healthy. He needs dependable, 50-50 relationships with the people he loves, and he needs attention and respect from those around him. Jackson needs love, he deserves love. And Mark is 100% and more than ready to give Jackson all the love he has for him.

Knowing this, believing this, Mark scoots himself towards Jackson, tilts his head up to stare him straight in the eyes and says, "You deserve the world. You're unbelievably amazing and I know that you are far better than you think you are."

Not giving Jackson a moment to interrupt, Mark wraps him up in his arms and engulfs him.

"There's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise, nothing you can do to try and prove me wrong. When I think of you, I don't think 'failure' or 'useless'. I think 'extraordinary', 'hard-working' and 'beautiful, both inside and out'. I'm also mentally cringing because the things I am saying are so cheesy, but me, you're this perfect person. Not because you're perfect and can do everything, but because you're amazing with what you can do. I love the way you sometimes struggle to reach the top shelves without help, I love that you often squeak randomly and get embarrassed because you remembered something silly you did in the past. I love that whenever you get scared your automatic reaction is to make sure everyone else is okay before you hold onto us. I love that sometimes I can find cuddling Youngjae because you think he's the most innocent being ever and needs protected. I love all this and so much more about you.

"And when we perform and you get so excited to see the fans, it makes me so happy. You get all hyped up and always give your all for them. And that's why they love you too. They think you're so amazing and beautiful. They love your manners and your habits, they love your voice and your laugh. Got7 and all the IGot7s love you. As much as you might think you mean nothing to us, you do not. You mean the world to us, and that's how we know you deserve the world, because it wouldn't be complete without you."

Mark has to stop and pause for breath, and Jackson takes that opportunity to squeeze him tight. Because Mark just told he everything Jackson has never believed, and it's something he needed to hear. Hopefully, Mark notes, if he keeps telling Jackson this, he might be able to think it himself without even having to be told.

"You should give these speeches to all the fans. I bet that there are quite a few who feel the same way I do about themselves." Jackson mumbles into Mark's shoulder, chest feeling light and his breaths coming short. Mark simply presses a kiss to the crown of Jackson's head.

"Mirror, mirror, please tell him  
Scale, you too tell him  
You don't need to change a thing, you're just pretty  
You look perfect just the way you are  
Just need to be happy, without a worry  
Don't try to look for what isn't good enough  
Turn your attention from the mirror to my eyes  
Get off the scale and onto my back  
No matter how hard I try to find  
And look at you again and again  
That unpretty spot you keep talking about  
I can't see it at all."

Mark murmurs the words into Jackson's hair, singing the song that was meant for him, to him. He skips past the rest of the song and goes right towards the end.

"You can't find a flaw that doesn't even exist  
You shine so brightly, so perfect in every way  
To me, you're so beautiful, I want you  
Just the way you are, you're the only one."

Admittedly, Mark doesn't sing the song with it's original tune or rhythm, but he makes the song his own, changes it so that it fits the scenario that they're in, and allows it to comfort Jackson.

It works, and soon enough Jackson has drifted off to sleep, peacefully unconscious in Marks arms. Reassured, for the moment, that he has a meaning and a purpose, and that there are people who so selfishly want him. He'll stay, he'll cope. He doesn't know how to make anything better, but Mark seems to be good medication for this illness.


	13. Chapter 13

After what happened with Jaebum's slightly failed intervention and Mark's successful one, things have been slightly tense between Got7, who have had no time to sit down and talk to each other and figure things out. It was taking a toll on all of them, their interactions limited only to interviews, variety shows and car rides, not to mention how in the dark everyone except Mark was about Jackson's state of well-being. But Got7 were trying their hardest - as per usual - and they weren't letting it deter them from smiling and laughing and telling jokes when they could, even if sometimes it was slightly forced because of a variety shows requirements. 

It wasn't until roughly three weeks later that they finally found the strength to talk to each other properly, their manager giving them two hours break before they went to the airport and left for Hong Kong. The boys had gathered in their dorm room, one or two of them halfheartedly shoving a few objects into their suitcases as they paid more attention to each other than their luggage. Some American pop song could be heard faintly in the background as Jinyoung cleared his throat and give Mark and Jackson a pointed look.

Mark sighed and nudged Jackson's shoulder lightly and sighed, a small smile gracing his lips as he turned back to the other members.

"Jackson's doing okay, so am I. He opened up to me a while ago, and we've figured out some things now. It's going to get better from now on."

There's mixed reaction from the rest of the boys, but it's all positive, as would be expected, and the boys all give grins of relief and content, feeling more relaxed now than any other time in the past month. And why wouldn't they? This was the longest break they'd gotten in a while, not to mention that it was a group break rather than a fragmented 'this-member-rests-now-and-this-one-rests-then' that their staff had given them so far. It was an opportunity that they couldn't let go of and the good news was like the cherry on top of a very small, slightly too dry cupcake. But a cupcake non-the-less, something they hadn't had in quite some time.

"Brilliant, this is amazing." Jinyoung grinned and let out a light laugh as he made eye-contact with Jaebum and Youngjae from across the room, both of whom gave back grins of their own. Kunpimook and Yugyeom high-fived each other, dropping the matching socks they had been holding to do a side hug, despite the awkward position they were in because of the bed in between them.

"The MAMA awards are coming soon too, so this is perfect timing for us. We're going to be 65% less stressed now that we know everything is okay within Got7." Jaebum comments musingly, a tug at the corner of his lips causing a small, happy smirk to spread itself across his face.

"Don't even get me started on the MAMA's," Jinyoung sighs, knowing how hard they'll be practicing whilst in Hong Kong.

Jackson smiles though, "But my parents are in Hong Kong, I'll see them at least once while we're there."

Mark pats Jackson on the shoulder with a grin, and he notices that the other members are all sporting soppy smiles too, knowing and being happy that Jackson was going to see his family soon. It wasn't often idols got to see their families, and the feeling of finally getting to see them after certain periods of time have past is always over-whelming.

This would be great for Got7, and would really help uplift Jackson's spirits. He'll get to see his parents, and the staff had told them they'll also be working with Bangtan, a group that they were quite close with.

Mark looked around the room before he spoke next, "I think everyone's packed, and we have roughly an hour and a half left before we go to the airport. Why don't we watch a movie?"

His suggestion is met with much enthusiasm from the rest of the members, and so they all leave the bedroom to pick out a movie to watch.

-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-

This would be great for Got7, and would really help uplift Jackson's spirits. He'll get to see his parents, and the staff had told them they'll also be working with Bangtan, a group that they were quite close with.

Mark looked around the room before he spoke next, "I think everyone's packed, and we have roughly an hour and a half left before we go to the airport. Why don't we watch a movie?"

His suggestion is met with much enthusiasm from the rest of the members, and so they all leave the bedroom to pick out a movie to watch.

It gives them time to re-center and re-sync themselves, allows them to catch up without actually having to talk about anything. They pick up on each other's feelings and know how to behave in accordance. The movie is spent with them all giggling and being silly, without speaking to each other, and it refreshes them, brings out some hidden energy from their weary selves.

But, unfortunately, it comes to an end and staff are filling the dorm up, ushering and urging the members to do certain things and fussing about in general.

Once everything's ready, and everyone's ready, they head out - locking up behind them - and set of to the airport.

Whilst they're in the car, everyone makes sure that they have their outfits at maximum fabulousness. There's a brief moment of panic when they realize that Youngjae had managed to stain the bottom edge of his shirt when eating previously, but it's a problem solved by Jaebum giving away his jacket (something that the fans caught with their cameras and later squealed about.)

Other than that, the journey to China was quite pleasant for Got7, and they even managed to get to their hotel without being squished into small balls of jet-lag and restlessness.

And as amazing as the whole thing was - is - Jackson had some thoughts that bothered him during the flight. It's not unusual. What was unusual was the confusion he felt with it. 

He was confused, he thinks, because now he feels guilty that he's not telling the others about it. But Jackson's been hiding how he feels for so long, he doesn't know how to deal with it any other way.

It frustrates him. He wants to be able to depend on people and develop a system that allows him to deal with emotions properly, but it's just not happening. It makes him feel similar to a robot. All static-y and weird. Blank.

He isn't a robot though! This, whilst not unknown to the world, is not safe or healthy! He's not special because of it, he knows there are other people who feel like this. 

The words he very much needs to get into his head are: "Even if people have bigger problems, they don't make yours any less real or any less important."

Those words are hard for him to accept though. He feels - selfish. I don't deserve to feel as if this is such a big deal, a problem. People have it worse.

And it's still piling up inside of him. Even if he's slowly getting better. And, he knows, one day he'll have this sorted out. But right now, he feels like he's trapped in a box with a floor that's slowly collapsing beneath him, a gaping void of darkness beneath him.

Mark taps him on the shoulder to get Jackson's attention, before holding out a hand so they can hold hands as they try and find their room in the hotel.

Jackson feels the corner of his lips twitch up slightly, and his mood lifts into a more blithe feel.

At least the walls seem to be crumbling too, perhaps just enough for someone to help him out.


End file.
